Five Lies and a Truth
by Kailey Hamilton
Summary: Because of James Potter, Lily Evans told five big lies and one tiny truth. Oneshot. Lily-centric. Lily/James. Some Severus thrown in there.


_Disclaimer: Recognize it? Not mine._

* * *

**Five Lies and a Truth**

"Potter obviously likes you, Lily!"

Lily rolled her eyes. They'd had this discussion so many times that she could almost recite the whole script by herself.

"And what if he does, Sev? I would never like him back!" Lily breathed deep and tried to speak different words than the ones she usually said. "And what if I did, anyway? He's behaving better than you are!"

Her words were true. Most of the time, she didn't mind James. He was bright and funny; he just chose to be an arrogant idiot whenever Severus was around, which was the main reason why Lily couldn't bring herself to befriend him.

"Lily, I'm-"

"Cut it out, Sev. This is getting old."

That's how she felt with Severus - a sinking ship, a losing battle, or more simply, a lost case. Yet there she was, condoning and forgiving every one of Sev's misdeeds, when she was quick and glad to condemn every single one of Potter's. Like a stupid little hypocrite.

_And Potter isn't as thoughtless as Sev. He's not hurting anyone._

"I'm sorry, Lily. It's just-" He interrupted himselfand looked at her longingly. "We're still friends, aren't we?"

_No_, she wanted to say. _No_, because he was ruthless and inconsiderate with everyone other than her, and Lily couldn't stand for such hypocrisy.

But she was a hypocrite as well, so she couldn't bring herself to stand for the truth.

"Of course, Sev. Friends."

* * *

"How was your Christmas?"

Lily had known the answer before he spoke it, for it was uncommon to see James Potter with fear in his eyes.

"Awful."

"What happened?" sheasked, genuinely concerned.

For all response, James handed her a letter. She gasped - she recognized the handwriting as soon as she laid eyes on it.

"Why are you even keeping this?!" Lily half-asked, half-yelled.

"Do you even know what this is?"

Lily had given herself away; she couldn't take her words back. She hadn't told absolutely anyone, but there she was, playing James Potter's games of transparency.

"You-Know-Who came for me too, James," she confessed. "I don't- I don't want to talk about it," she said quickly. "I hadn't been so shaken since Sev- since Snape called me... since he-"

"Called you the M word. That bastard," he added, making Lily smile. "Does anyone know?"

She shook her head. "We're safe, now that we're at Hogwarts. The best thing for us to do now would be to tell Dumbledore, and Dumbledore alone."

"Oh. Well, Sirius, Remus and Peter know." He shrugged, and Lily was wondered at his openness. "Lily, I'm joining the fight as soon as we graduate. You have your dreams, something to work for. You go, and live happily." His brown eyes pierced Lily's, and she felt their weight crush her. "You don't need to fight."

_No_, she wanted to say. _No_, she didn't need fight. She'd always aimed to fly away and volunteer in the Third World. She wanted to learn about different cultures and help kids that didn't have access to magical education and medicine.

Lily wanted to live in peace, and she was humbled in front of this man who wanted to fight so she could do just that.

But James' determination made her realize that she couldn't leave him alone. Her motherland needed her more than anyone. She was either with them or against them, and if she wasn't part of the solution, she was part of the problem.

James knew Lily's answer and recognized her struggle before she even spoke it, for it was uncommon to see Lily Evans with tears in her eyes.

"I want to fight, James. I want to fight as well."

* * *

"You must understand," Albus Dumbledore was telling them, "that you'll be living for this war, and exclusively for this war."

"I understand," James spoke as he squeezed her hand lightly. Guiltily, Lily thought it was easy for him to speak, for he had nothing to risk. Lily's parents and sister were in danger, so a part of her was resentful of the duty to protect them.

But another part of her admired James' selflessness and courage. Lily could allow herself to see him under a different light than she'd done when she was friends with Severus. She'd even allowed herself to start dating him - after all they were going through, it was just logical.

"We have spies, trained Aurors, Healers and experts in different fields," Dumbledore continued. "Miss Evans, I'd be glad to take you in as a potential Healer. Unfortunately, there's a severe shortage of actual combatants and it doesn't escape me that both of you are extremely talented in practical magic."

"I'll be a fighter, Professor," said James, his eyes twinkling. "I want nothing more."

"Very well, Mr. Potter." The old man smiled. His gaze was set on Lily. "Miss Evans, will you join us?"

_No_, she wanted to say. _No_, because she'd already given up her goals, but her morals were something else. She didn't mind risking her own life, but the thought of hurting anyone was unbearable to her. She felt the need to nurture, to care, to _give_, and instead her services were required as a fighter.

Then again, once she had gone down the rabbit hole, it really didn't matter how far she was willing to go. So she reckoned that she might as well.

"I'll do it, Professor. Whatever you require from me."

James squeezed her hand again and offered a broad smile. Lily couldn't respond with a real smile.

* * *

They were back at their place after a very long night. None of them wanted to think of Dorcas. It was too painful to remember her expressionless face, her limp figure as they'd barely managed to escape Lord Voldemort himself.

Instead, they laid in bed in a mess of kisses and tears until drowsiness took over.

"You awake?" James asked. She hadn't been, but she opened her eyes nonetheless.

"Try to sleep, James," she asked.

"I can't."

She yawned. "What's the matter?"

"I can't stop thinking, Lily."

"Me neither," she said truthfully.

He hugged her tightly; she relished his warmth. Lily was glad that James could take so much comfort in her, and that she could receive it in return.

"I can tell you're tired, Lily. Your whole body and soul must be longing for a rest."

In spite of her pain, she smiled at his keen understanding. "I'm worn out, yes. I feel so numb."

"Truth is... all I can think of now is how that spell just barely missed you..."

"Please don't-"

"Hear me out, Lily," he begged, so she closed her mouth abruptly. "Please, because I could've lost you and I can't bear that thought."

"James..."

"I've always loved you, Lily. Seeing that-" His voice broke. "It's only been a year, but I know that I want to be with you forever. I've always known."

"I-I know," she barely managed. She knew what was coming, but she didn't have the strength to fight it off. James' words didn't surprise her the least.

"Lily, would you be my wife?"

_No_, she wanted to say. _No_, because they were young and had their whole life ahead of them. They still had a life to live after the war, and it could be over anytime soon. Lily wasn't ready to make any ties.

Except that that yes, it could be over anytime soon, but they could die even sooner and it wouldn't matter what they did, or what they didn't do. And there he was - James Potter, the one person who could take what she was longing to give.

"Yes, James. I'll marry you."

James smiled and kissed her on the lips. Even as she grieved, it was the happiest Lily had felt in a long while.

* * *

Bodies lay on the floor of the old mansion, for good and for bad, but every unnecessary drop of blood made Lily feel like a failure.

_We're not supposed to kill_, she'd often remind James.

_And all those innocent people aren't supposed to die_, he'd answer.

James was her partner in duty, her friend and the object of her admiration. He was her husband, too, but when they fought side by side, the legal ties seemed trite.

At that moment, James was dueling two men in one of the rooms. Lily stood at the door, engaged in battle with another Death Eater.

_He's finishing me_, she realized. _He's much more skilled than I am._

And just as the thought went through her head, an Unforgivable Curse hit her straight in the chest.

She screamed, falling to her knees in a silent beg for mercy. She cried and shook, letting the hood that protected her face fall back; her identity was revealed.

To her astonishment, the curse was lifted and incredulous eyes met hers.

Lily realized that it could only mean one thing: Her opponent was Severus Snape - the same Severus who asked if they could be friends forever. The one she'd missed. It was Severus giving her such pain. It was Severus looming as a threat against her boyfriend's life.

Every single feeling of longing was gone as she realized the distasteful truth.

_If he goes in here_, she thought,_he'll kill James._

The thought filled her with fearsome courage. She stood up, trying to keep herself as composed as possible. Her wand was pointed at him, and she felt eerily conscious of the cold air against her face.

"Surrender," he ordered. His voice shook.

"Not a chance." _You won't kill me, but you'll kill James if I let you._

Severus stepped forward, his wand still raised. His hand trembled as his voice had done.

"Don't you dare!" she exclaimed, if only to gain time.

"What will you do to me?" He ventured. "After all, Lily, we both know you can't kill me."

_No_, she wanted to say. _No_, she wouldn't kill him.

"I _will _kill you, Severus Snape."

Had he tested her words, he would've found she was lying. But the moment of hesitation on his part wasn't lost on her, and her Stunning Spell hit him before he could ignore her warnings.

Lily felt a relief so deep that it was almost incongruent. She understood that her bluff had been tinged with the tiniest bit of truth.

_For James_, she thought. _Only for James._

* * *

"It's my fault," James said. "I pushed you into this."

"I agreed to everything, didn't I?"

"Is this what you want, Lily? A child in the midst of the war? A child we have to hide for?"

It was all too weird - their unborn child was in danger, and they had to hide. Lily didn't understand anything other than the fact that they were facing an even greater danger than they'd done so far.

"Does it matter what we want?" she asked. "I'm sure this isn't exactly what you were dreaming of, either."

"True, Lily. I just- I just want to make sure... Lily, don't you regret any of this?"

_No_, she wanted to say. No, she didn't regret her choices. Even though she'd wondered about what could've been, she knew she was doing the right thing. She had James, who she'd shared the worst times of their lives with, and still behaved like he had everything he could possibly want.

James, who she once swore she wouldn't date. James, who she hadn't wanted to fight with, who she hadn't wanted to marry. James was the one she would give up everything just to protect - James and their unborn child, that is.

_Had I taken a different path_, she thought, _I wouldn't have him - I wouldn't have_them. _Who else could I love?_

That thought prompted truth to burst out, and a weight she didn't know she carried was lifted.

"No, James," she said, letting herself smile in spite of everything. "I regret nothing."

* * *

_Notes: For Fire the Canon's Fanfiction Tournaments (this month's semifinal) and for the wonderful Samantha (Ginny124) for the Gift-Giving Extravaganza._

_**Samantha** - You only asked for one pairing, so I went into this month knowing what I had to do. You've probably read a lot of Lily and James, so I really hope this one strikes you as original and that you like it._

_A million thanks to the truly amazing **Sam (MissingMommy)** for proofreading this._

_...and thanks to you too, reader!_

_-Karyn._


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